NIRVANA FAQ

Copyright © 1999 by Mike Ziegler. All rights reserved.
1999, 1998 by David Perle.
1996, 1995, 1994 by Jeff McRae.

History of FAQ:
v1.0 Mar '94 - The original, only took a few hours to write.
v1.1 Apr '94 - Added some small bits of info & Incesticide info.
v2.0 Apr '94 - Added Kurt's death and a few others...
v3.0 Jun '94 - A few minor changes.
v3.1 Jul '94 - Added Kurt vs. Axl and Vanity Fair stuff.
v3.2 Aug '94 - Removed suicide note, added demo list.
v3.3 Nov '94 - Added a few minor things.
v4.0 Jan '95 - Same major changes, including text of suicide note.
v4.1 Feb '95 - Split the FAQ into 3 parts and an index.
v4.2 May '95 - Added the Fecal Matter demo info.
v4.3 Jan '96 - Added the In Utero Symbols.
v5.0 Dec '96 - Major facelift.  Changed things around a bit.
v6.0 Jun '98 - FAQ changes hands to David Perle.  Major facelift 
               w/rearrangements & updates, HTML'ized it.  Added 
               questions from the Alt.Music.Nirvana FAQ and 
               Fecal Matter section from the newsgroup.  The new 
               era begins...
v6.1 Jun '98 - Fixed some mistakes. 
v7.0 Sept'99 - FAQ passed over to Mike Ziegler. Cleaned up the whole
               FAQ and added some new information.
v7.1 Nov '99 - Added various new info and more cleaning up.
 

Without these people, this FAQ couldn't have happened:
Jeff McRae / Rick Scaia / Art Lee / Alex Lum / Liz Ellison / John Loughney / Jonas Blank / Leo P Cailleteau III / Michael Azerrad / Everyone who supported alt.music.nirvana, and everyone else who I might have missed. 
Extra Special thanks go out to: Kurt Cobain, Krist Novoselic, and Dave Grohl.

Please note that this document is to serve only as an overview of the band Nirvana. For a much more comprehensive text well worth its cost, please be sure to pick up "Come As You Are, The Story of Nirvana," by Michael Azerrad. You won't regret it!
 

Table of Contents
PART ONE -- THE NIRVANA FAQ

I. The Band, Basic Info
 

A. The Band

1. How it all began
2. Other names/drummers/extras and where they are now
3. Current Sketch
B. Important Dates In Nirvana History
C. Kurt's first poem.
II. Frequently Asked Questions and Trivia

A. Trivia
B. Frequently Asked Questions
C. Bootlegs, bootlegs, bootlegs
III. Album & Song Info

A. Album list and song interpretations (where applicable)

1. Bleach
2. Nevermind
3. Incesticide
4. In Utero
5. MTV's Unplugged In New York
6. From The Muddy Banks Of The Wishkah

B. Singles, EPs, Videos, and compilation appearances

1. Singles
2. EPs
3. Videos
4. Compilation appearances

C. Information on some older, non-studio demos

1. Fecal Matter
2. "Mellow 4-track shit"
3. "4 quirky song demo"

D. Unused studio tracks
E. What's next?
IV. TV and Radio Appearances
V. Miscellaneous
 

A. Krist's Internet posts
B. Mini-Book Reviews
C. Early Nirvana biography
D. Kurts Cobain's designed Fender Jag-Stang
E. Dave Grohl's top 10 drummer jokes
F. 1992 Australian tour info
G. FAQ Of "Perfume" - Kurt Cobain's Favorite Book
H. Nirvana album linear notes

1. Nevermind
2. Hormoaning
3. Incesticide
4. From the Muddy Banks of Wishkah 
X. Full text of Kurt Cobain's suicide note
VI. How to get in contact with me
 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part One
 

I. The Band
A.1 - How it all began -
The core of Nirvana formed when Kurt Cobain met Krist (then Chris) Novoselic through the punk band 'The Melvins'. Since then, they have gone through many different drummers and different names. The name "Nirvana" means 'absolute and total bliss,' 'Buddhist beatitude, extinction of individuality & absorption into the supreme spirit. 
 

A.2 - Who they were, and where are they now -
(an '*' before the name indicates the bands final line up)
 

Band Name Who was in it/what did he play Where now? ========= ============================== ========== Fecal Matter Kurt Cobain - Guitar/Vocals Dale Crover - Bass Guitar Greg Hokanson - Drums Mike Dillard - Drums Brown Cow Buzz Osbourne - Bass Guitar The Melvins Dale Crover - Drums The Melvins Kurt Cobain - Guitar/Vocals Stiff Woodies Krist - Vocals/Guitar/Bass Kurt - Drums The Sellouts Steve Newman - Bass Guitar (lost fingers in chainsaw accident) Kurt Cobain - Drums Krist - Guitar/Vocals ??????? Kurt - Guitar/Vocals Krist - Bass Guitar Bob McFadden - Drums Skid Row Aaron Burckhard - Drums Kurt - Guitar Krist - Bass Guitar Bliss Aaron Burckhard - Drums Kurt - Guitar Krist - Bass Guitar Throat Oyster Aaron Burckhard - Drums Kurt - Guitar Krist - Bass Guitar Pen Cap Chew Aaron Burckhard - Drums Kurt - Guitar Krist - Bass Guitar Windowpane Aaron Burckhard - Drums Kurt - Guitar Krist - Bass Guitar Ted Ed Fred (1) Kurt - Guitar/Vocals Krist - Bass Guitar Chad Channing - Drums Ted Ed Fred (2) Kurt - Guitar/Vocals Krist - Bass Guitar Dale Crover - Drums Nirvana *Kurt Cobain - Guitar Vocals Died: 1st week of 4/94 *Krist Novoselic - Bass Band - Sweet 75 Aaron Burckhard - Drums Band - Attica Dave Foster - Drums Band - Papawheelie Chad Channing - Drums Band - The Methodists, T.V.I.V. Jason Everman - Guitar Band - Mindfunk Danny Peters - Drums Band - Mudhoney *Dave Grohl - Drums Band - Foo Fighters John Duncan - Guitar Band - The Exploited *Pat Smear - Guitar Band - ???
 

A.3 - Current Sketch -
As of right now, there is no more Nirvana; Kurt Cobain died on or around 4/5/94 at his home in Seattle, WA (171 Lake Washington Blvd. East). Dave Grohl started the band Foo Fighters which also included Pat Smear for a while (1995-1997), and Krist Novoselic is in a band called Sweet 75. Krist has also been involved in fighting for artists' rights, and is currently the president of Joint Artist & Music Promotions Action Committee, (JAMPAC).
 

B - Important dates in Nirvana history:
08-05-59 Pat Smear is born (as George Ruthenburg)
07-09-64 Courtney Love is born (as Love Michelle Harrison)
05-16-65 Krist Anthony Novoselic born to Krist and Maria Novoselic
01-31-67 Chad Channing born to Wayne and Burnyce Channing
02-20-67 Kurt Donald Cobain born to Wendy and Donald Cobain
01-14-69 David Eric Grohl born to James and Virginia Grohl
??-??-75 Kurt's parents divorce, Kurt lives with mother
02-??-78 Kurt's father remarries
??-??-79 Krist's family moves to Aberdeen
06-??-80 Krist sent to Croatia for a year to live with relatives
02-20-81 Kurt gets his first guitar
??-??-81 While working at Taco Bell, Krist meets Buzz Osbourne
??-??-82 Kurt and Krist finally meet thru Buzz Osbourne
??-??-83 Krist graduates from high school
05-??-84 Kurt's mother remarries to Pat O'Connor
05-11-85 Kurt drops out of high school
??-??-86 Krist and Kurt form various bands, they change band names often
01-23-88 Nirvana records demo with Dale Crover
04-24-88 Nirvana plays their first show in Seattle at the Vogue
10-30-88 Kurt smashes his first guitar
11-??-88 First single: Love Buzz/Big Cheese released
02-xx-89 First west coast tour
04-11-89 Kurt and Courtney meet for the first time at the Satyricon in Portland
06-09-89 Bleach released
06-22-89 The tour for Bleach begins in San Francisco
07-18-89 Last show with Jason Everman
09-xx-89 Make up tour dates due to the loss of Jason
10-xx-89 Blew EP recorded at Music Source Studios in Seattle
10-23-89 Nirvana plays first European show, Newcastle, England
12-30-89 Krist and Shelli get married in Tacoma, WA
02-xx-90 Nirvana begins another short US tour
05-??-90 Chad Channing is kicked out of the group
07-11-90 Sliver single recorded with Dan Peters with TAD's equipment
09-??-90 Sliver/Dive single released on Sub-Pop
09-22-90 Dan Peters only show with Nirvana
10-11-90 Dave Grohl's first show with Nirvana
04-17-91 Nirvana first plays Smells Like Teen Spirit
04-30-91 Nirvana formally signs with Geffen Records
06-??-91 Begin recording Nevermind with Butch Vig
08-17-91 The video for Smells Like Teen Spirit is made
08-xx-91 2 week European tour with Sonic Youth
09-13-91 Release party for Nevermind
09-14-91 MTV debuts Smells Like Teen Spirit on 120 minutes
09-20-91 North American tour for Nevermind begins in Toronto
09-24-91 Nevermind is released, debuted at #144 on Billboard
10-12-91 Nevermind goes Gold
10-14-91 Smells Like Teen Spirit in Buzz Bin rotation on daytime MTV
11-04-91 European tour for Nevermind begins in Bristol England
12-10-91 Soundscan reports Nevermind selling 300,000 per week
12-xx-91 Short US tour with Pearl Jam and Red Hot Chilli Peppers
01-07-92 Nirvana turns down Guns & Roses tour invitation
01-10-92 Nirvana plays MTV studios
01-11-92 Nirvana plays Saturday Night Live, Nevermind hits #1
01-21-92 The video for Come As You Are is made
01-??-92 Hormoaning released in Australia and Japan
01-24-92 Nirvana begins a Pacific rim tour.
02-24-92 Kurt Cobain marries Courtney Love in Waikiki, Hawaii
06-xx-92 2 week European make-up tour
06-22-92 Kurt collapses in Belfast due to stomach problems
07-21-92 Lithium single released with Nevermind album lyrics inside
08-18-92 Frances Bean Cobain is born at 7:45
08-30-92 Nirvana headlines Reading Festival
09-08-92 Nirvana plays Lithium at MTV music awards, wins 2 awards
11-??-92 In Bloom Video premieres on MTV
12-15-92 Incesticide released
03-xx-93 Video for Sliver is shot
03-xx-93 In Utero recorded in 2 weeks
05-??-93 Sliver 
07-23-93 Nirvana plays surprise show at New Music Seminar in NYC
08-06-93 Nirvana plays Mia Zapata Benefit for former lead singer of The Gits 
09-08-93 Nirvana wins Best Alternative Video award at MTV Video awards
09-??-93 Pat Smear joins Nirvana
09-14-93 In Utero released in UK
09-19-93 Heart Shaped Box video premieres on MTV
09-21-93 After a week delay, In Utero released in US
09-25-93 Nirvana plays Saturday Night Live for a second time
10-18-93 Nirvana begins US tour supporting In Utero
11-18-93 Nirvana records Unplugged session for MTV
12-12-93 All Apologies video premieres on MTV
12-13-93 MTV's Live and Loud is recorded
12-16-93 Nirvana Unplugged airs on MTV
12-31-93 MTV's New Years Eve special airs, Nirvana headlines
02-06-94 Nirvana begins European Tour
03-01-94 The Final Nirvana show is played in Munich, Germany
03-04-94 Kurt Cobain is hospitalized comatose
03-05-94 Kurt awakens from coma, asks for milkshake
03-08-94 Kurt leaves hospital under his own power
04-05-94 Kurt died from apparently self-inflicted gunshot to the head.
04-07-94 Alt.music.nirvana is created
04-08-94 The body of Kurt Cobain is found
04-10-94 Memorial Service held in Seattle, Courtney reads from suicide note
09-08-94 Nirvana wins Best Alternative Video for Heart-Shaped Box
11-01-94 Nirvana: Unplugged in New York is released in the US
11-15-94 Nirvana: Live! Tonight! Sold Out! is released in US
07-04-95 Dave Grohl's Foo Fighter's Album released
10-01-96 From the Muddy Banks Of The Wishkah released
05-20-97 Dave Grohl's Foo Fighter's 2nd album is released
08-26-97 Krist Novoselic's band Sweet 75 releases their self titled debut album
 
 

C - Kurt's first poem -
"I hate mom. I hate dad. Dad hates mom. Mom hates dad. It simply makes you want to be so sad."
 

II. Frequently Asked Questions and Trivia
A. - Trivia

Courtney was married in an old dress of Frances Farmer's.

"Breed" was originally called "Imodium," based on the medicine that the lead singer of Tad used on one of their European tours.

"Stay Away" was originally called "Pay To Play" and was recorded as that. A last minute change of taste caused the change.

'In Utero' went through 2 name changes. It was originally to be called "I Hate Myself And Want To Die' and then later "Verse, Chorus, Verse."

The morning of the New Music Seminar 7/23/93, Kurt OD'd on heroin; Courtney injected him with an illegal drug used to wake people who've OD'd on heroin. He went on-stage and performed. No one knew the difference.

The rights for "Never Fade Away: The Kurt Cobain Story" were sold to Paradigm Talent, who plan to make a movie. Cobain's family prevented Azerrad from selling the rights to his stunning authorized biography "Come As You Are: The Story Of Nirvana."

Some of Kurt's early jobs before becoming a full time musician included being a janitor of his old school for eight months and being a lifeguard for a summer. His other main hobbies included his artwork, and reading.

If Nirvana had stuck with the Sub-Pop label as originally planned; for their second album it would have been titled "Sheep." Kurt said so in the circulated "The Bark Not The Bite" interview. Krist brings up in "Nevermind - It's An Interview," that it basically would have consisted of the Butch Vig demos with a few other songs.

Chad Channing is actually the one who plays the cymbal parts on the Nevermind version of "Polly." He is not credited on the album, because there really is no percussion part to the song. It was recorded in the earlier Vig sessions, and not when Nevermind was formally recorded.

Nirvana will be eligible for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2014. The way it works is that you become eligible 25 years after your first album release. And Nirvana's first album 'Bleach' was released in 1989.

There are two lines in the Nevermind liner notes that are not lyrics on the album:

1) "The second coming came in last and out of the closet"
2) "At the end of the rainbow and your rope" 

Thanks to Kurt's Uncle by marriage, Larry Smith:
I wanted you all to know that Kurt used to tell my sister that he was "forever in debt to your priceless advice" when they were bitching at each other. It used to just piss her off royally when he said that. When me and Debbie (my wife) first heard those words set to music, I just got goosebumps. I discussed the meaning with her, and she would tell me that she was "forever in debt to my priceless advice" just to be smart-aleck! :-) Let me tell you that my wife certainly loved Kurt, and especially what he stood for. She was a huge fan. She was really hit hard by his death, as I know so many of you were. She was in the hospital a couple of months ago, and on some pretty heavy medication. She was really grieving for Kurt and the whole damn situation when she was "out of it." It was hard to see her like that.

Does anyone know of the origin of that phrase (priceless advice...) other than what I know, I mean from the musical standpoint? I would be interested to hear. Let me also tell you that Don and Jen had a dog named Blackie that used to wear an e-collar (that plastic thing that keeps them from taking out stitches or whatever from their hind quarters). The dog in the video (CAYA) looks so eerily like Blackie. Also, I will relate to you about what I feel is significant about the water coming down the stairs. Made me just cringe (still does). You know, there are a significant number of people in my age bracket who just still love Nirvana...I know, hard to believe. Will write more soon. Listening to Lithium at this moment. Gives me chills down my spine when I hear Kurt's voice. It's all so weird, and so damn sad. You know, my lower lip still trembles...young Kurt was so unbelievably idealistic and so far ahead of his time...

There are Muzak (elevator music) versions of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and "Negative Creep" on a CD titled "Grunge Lite" (CZ 064).

B. - Frequently Asked Questions
Where can I find a complete listing of Nirvana songs?
The best place is to go to John Loughney's "Recording Sessions Guide." John does a good job of keeping everything updated with alternate song titles and other various information, as well as extensive recording sessions information.

Were there any other bands called "Nirvana?"
Two other bands have been called "Nirvana."
The first had a minor hit in the late 60s titled "Chasing Rainbows." They released several albums, one titled "The Story of Simon Simeopath." The other is a Christian-Rock band from the early 80s. They attempted to sue our Nirvana for stealing their name. In early '92, the Christian Nirvana played a show in California and it was attended by many angry fans expecting our Nirvana to play. Nirvana had to settle the lawsuits, paying out $200,000 to the 60's band, and $100,000 to the Christian band.

Was Frances Bean named after Frances Farmer? What's the deal with "Bean"?
Frances was not named after Frances Farmer, but after a member of the Vaselines, Frances McKee. Kurt said he'd wished he'd thought of naming her after Farmer. Frances' middle name comes from the shape she appeared in a sonogram (bean). A picture of the sonogram appears within the "Lithium" single.

Where did the title for "Smells Like Teen Spirit" come from? The deodorant?
One day Kurt and a friend were having a discussion about teenage revolution, they later got drunk and his friend wrote on the wall 'Kurt smells like teen spirit.' Kurt was inspired, he thought she meant he would be the type of person who could incite a teen rebellion. He went and wrote the song. She thought that he just smelled like the deodorant. Kurt hadn't heard of the deodorant at the time, and he claimed to have rarely used it himself.

Hey, I was watching the "Teen Spirit" video the other day and I noticed "Chaka" written all over Dave's drum kit -- what's the deal with that?
Apparently there was some infamous graffiti artist in L.A. who tagged everything as "Chaka," and after he was caught and sentenced with community service, he was told not to tag anything else. However, supposedly after he left the building, they checked the elevator to discover that he had in fact written "Chaka" inside.

What is "Endless, Nameless"?
"Endless, Nameless" is a hidden song on the Nevermind album. It is hidden, and not mentioned on the CD anywhere. It appears approximately 10 minutes after the end of the 12th song, "Something In The Way," on certain copies of the CD. If your CD player stops right after "Something In the Way," you do not have a copy with "Endless, Nameless." The first 50,000 CDs pressed lack the track. The song is also available on the "Come As You Are" single, as a b-side, but it is a slightly different version.

I have Nevermind w/o "Endless, Nameless." Is it worth anything special?
No. Unless you have one of the first 50,000 (chances are you don't), you just have a regular copy of Nevermind. Some came with, some without, "Endless, Nameless." It all depended on where the discs were made, were they were going, and when they were made.

What's all this talk about a secret song on some "No Alternative" compilation?
There is an uncredited Nirvana song on the 1993 compilation "No Alternative," an AIDS benefit album. The song is called "Sappy." It is a very old Nirvana song and was recorded numerous times over the years. This version almost finally appeared on In Utero.

Where is Kurt Cobain buried?
Kurt Cobain's body was cremated; the remains are not yet buried in any public place, if they even ever will be. Courtney has supposedly spread small parts of the ashes in many places such as a Buddhist monastery, which was later returned, and under a tree in the front yard of their Lake Washington home in Seattle, WA that was pulled up when Courtney and Frances moved from the home.

Where can I find Kurt's suicide note?
You can find it at the end of this FAQ. Scans of the actual note are abundant on Nirvana fan sites.

Who is the baby on the Nevermind cover?
That is Spencer Eldon. Kurt got the idea for the cover when Dave and him were watching a documentary on underwater births. Kurt and Courtney once commented that they were going to take him out to dinner when he was old enough. His family reportedly made $200 for the picture.

Who is that woman (?) on the In Utero CD?
That is not a woman at all, but Michael Dewitt (aka "Cali") in drag; he was Kurt & Courtney's nanny for Frances during that time. It was said at one time that he had a striking resemblence to Kurt because Cali had long blonde hair as well.

Is "Rape Me" about poetic justice for a rapist, or is it about the media?
Kurt always insisted that it wasn't aimed at the media, but one line of the song is directed toward the Vanity Fair article and it's author, Lynn Hirschberg: My favorite inside source. Hirschberg claimed to have gotten the info that Courtney did heroin the whole time of her pregnancy from 'an inside source'. The song itself, written in 1991, is a song of justice (as Kurt put it): A guy rapes a girl, goes to prison, and is raped there by other prison inmates.

Is there actually a released single for "Pennyroyal Tea?"
Yes. The "Pennyroyal Tea" single contains three tracks: Scott Litt's remix of the title track, which contains louder backing vocals and more guitar at the coda, as well as "I Hate Myself And Want To Die" and "Where Did You Sleep Last Night?" (the latter being from Unplugged). This was released to coincide with Nirvana's European tour, but circumstances ultimately canceled the tour and the singles were recalled. It's estimated that 5,000 or so are still out there.

What is the correct spelling of Kurt's name?
It is spelled K-u-r-t; the odd spelling Kurdt came from when they recorded "Mexican Seafood" for the "Teriyaki Asthma" compilation. When it came time to make the album, they realized that they didn't know Kurt's name so they got a hold of someone who "thought they knew" and it went from there. Incidentally, the people at Caroline records (who put out the "Teriyaki Asthma" compilation) received no money for the appearance of "Mexican Seafood" on Incesticide because they didn't bother with a contract, 'cause they didn't make contracts for any bands. He later used the misspelling to give himself some anonymity. The 'monkey photo' credit on Nevermind is to Kurdt Kobain. Other misspellings can be found in autographs, etc., like first names Curt, Curtis, and last names Cohbain, and Covain. I read in one article Dave mispelt his name "Cave" for a short while. Other band members are properly spelled Krist Novoselic, changed form Chris back to original Croatian spelling in 1993, and David Eric Grohl. 

Hey, in that picture inside of Wishkah, what's it say on Kurt's shoe? It looks like "Fuhgawz"? What is that?
Some tend to think that it's a Fugazi, a hard-core punk, reference, while others think it's nonsense. According to one Nirvana article both of his shoes had it written on them in two different spellings of the name. Reportedly Kurt put it on his shoes to make fun of the misspelling that Pearl Jam lead singer Eddie Vedder had on his shirt that he had written the band name Fugazi on during a photo shoot.

I bought the Teen Spirit single and it said Even in His Youth is 4:20, but it's actually a lot shorter!
You've overlooked a clever marijuana reference, just another one of the band's inside jokes. A 420 is police code for someone with an illegal substance on them.

Where does the "Vandalism: Beautiful As A Rock In A Cop's Face" sticker on Kurt's guitar come from?
It's a lyric from the song "Gut Rage" off the Feederz CD Re-release of "Ever Feel Like Killing Your Boss?" and possibly their most popular bumper sticker as well...

How far did each member of the band go in their schooling?
Well, Kurt dropped out of high school weeks before he was to graduate. He didn't have enough credits to pass anyways and didn't want to take summer school. Krist did end up graduating, yet neither of them once appeared in any of their high school yearbooks. Dave dropped out of high school on the East coast of the US to be the drummer in one of his favorite bands, Scream. 

What's the deal between Kurt and Axl?
Axl had asked Kurt to join them on their huge tour. Kurt declined. Later, Axl asked Kurt to play at his 30th birthday party. Kurt declined.
This is from 'The Advocate' Feb 03 1993. Kurt was asked 2 questions about Guns and Roses.

Q: Is there anything about Guns N' Roses' music you like?

A: I can't think of a damn thing. I can't even waste my time on that band, because they're so obviously pathetic and untalented. I used to think that everything in the mainsteam pop world was crap, but now that some underground bands have been signed with majors, I take Guns N' Roses as more of an offense. I have to look into it more: They're really talentless people, and they write crap music, and they're the most popular rock band on the earth right now. I can't believe it.

Q: Didn't Axl Rose say something nasty to you at the MTV Video Music Awards in September?

A: They actually tried to beat us up. Courtney and I were with the baby in the eating area backstage, and Axl walked by. So Courtney yelled, "Axl! Axl, come over here!" We just wanted to say hi to him--we think he's a joke, but we just wanted to say something to him. So I said, "Will you be the godfather of our child?" I don't know what had happened before that to piss him off, but he took his aggressions out on us and began screaming bloody murder.
These were his words: "You shut your bitch up, or I'm taking you down to the pavement." [laughs] Everyone around us just burst out into tears of laughter. She wasn't even saying anything mean, you know? So I turned to Courtney and said, "Shut up, bitch!" And everyone laughed and he left. So I guess I did what he wanted me to do--be a man. [laughs]

Kurt told this story to the crowd at the Portland OR 9/10/92 concert, try to get it if you can.
 

What went on with the Vanity Fair article?
Vanity Fair wrote an article about Courtney and her drug use. They twisted the facts and got the Cobains into a lot of trouble. Kurt was asked two questions about it.
Once again this is taken from 'The Advocate' Feb 03 1993.

Kurt: I've never read an article that was more convincing yet more ridiculous in my life. Everybody from our record label to our management to our closest friends believed that shit.

She [Hirschberg] did a really good job of taking a piece of what Courtney had said and turning it into something completely different. I've seen that happen before--it's happened with me a lot of times--but this was such an extreme and done so well that I have to give her credit. She's a master at being catty.

Q: What about the drug use?

A: Courtney was honest about the heroin excursion we went on for a few months. Then Courtney found herself pregnant, realized she was pregnant and had a drug problem, and got off drugs. It's as simple as that. But it made it look like eight months after the fact, Courtney was still nine months pregnant and still doing drugs and everyone was really concerned. Like there was some awful den of iniquity going on in our apartment. I looked really skinny. Well, I am a skinny person, and I gain ten pounds every time I'm photographed, so people assume I'm this chunky, normal weight person.

I'm just so tired of talking about this. We have to live with the results of this one article every fucking day. It's something we have to deal with all the time.

The results of this article were that there was an investigation into the Cobains that resulted in Frances being taken away for some time (Courtney's sister took care of her). They finally got custody back after being able to prove they were good parents.
 

I want to check out some other bands that either influenced Nirvana or sound like them...so, what are some?
According to CDNow!:
Influenced Nirvana: The Beatles, Black Sabbath, Meat Puppets, Pixies, Sonic Youth, Melvins, Vaselines, R.E.M.

Similar to Nirvana: Alice in Chains, Babes In Toyland, Breeders, Cheap Trick, Dinosaur Jr., Fastbacks, Husker Du, L7, Minutemen, Bob Mould, Mudhoney, My Bloody Valentine, Pearl Jam, Raincoats, Soundgarden, Tad, Teenage Fanclub, Throwing Muses, Fluid, Green River, Half Japanese, Hole, Daniel Johnston, Love Battery, Urge Overkill, P.J. Harvey, Frank Black, The Lemonheads
 

What's that mumbling in the middle of "I Hate Myself and Want to Die?"
That is Kurt reciting a Jack Handey 'Deep Thought' from Saturday Night Live, around 1991 or 1992: Most people don't realize that two pieces of coral, painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws can make a child look like a deer.

What are those symbols on the back cover of In Utero?
Here's the decoder information:
SYMBOLS FROM TOP LEFT CORNER TO TOP RIGHT CORNER:

1: sow - most popular animal form of the Goddess -- Demeter often appeared as one
2: jar sprouting a stream of water - symbol for fertility & fertility gods
3: honeycomb - see "bee"
4: dolphin - totem of Demeter as Mistress of the Sea - word "dolphin" comes from Greek word for "womb"
5: triangle - represented female + trinity of Goddess (Virgin, Mother, Crone) - also represented fire
6: mare - symbolizes Goddess Epona + daytime aspect of Mareheaded Demeter - Scandinavian witches turned themselves into mares

SYMBOLS FROM TOP RIGHT TO BOTTOM RIGHT:

1: Alchemical Rose - symbol of sacred womb - symbol of virgin daughter within mother - applied to images like Kore/Demeter and Mary/Eve
2: Baubo - [I think you could easily read this as Baubo representing Courtney and Demeter representing Kurt] - female clown who managed to draw laughter from Demeter in the midst of her grief. Baubo induced the Great Mother to forget her anger long enough to take a little nourishment.
3: diameter - symbol for water, salt, and sea - related to the primordial Mother Goddess, who mingled all elements to create life from flesh (earth), blood (water), breath (air), and fire (vital heat)
4: ??? (wasn't in the 1988 printing)
5: symbol for planet Pluto - female Pluto deity who was despised and discredited by Greeks + was combined w. Demeter in a triple form (Virgin, Mother, and Crone)
6: poppy - "since opium and its derivatives--morphine, heroin--are extracted from the opium poppy, it is hardly surprising to find the flower associated w. sleep, inertia, numbness, and death. Demeter as a death Goddess was often shown with poppies [like the Heart-Shaped Box video]....Thebaine yields an important narcotic antagonist, naloxone, which is given to infants born of heroin addicts, to help soften the sock of withdrawal that such infants must go through"

SYMBOLS FROM BOTTOM RIGHT TO BOTTOM LEFT

1: Sub Pop logo
2: Geffen logo
3: oops - forgot to look this one up
4: bee - greatly prized because they gave valuable honey - Demeter addressed as "the pure mother bee" - identified w. mortality in folklore - "bee was symbol of feminine potency of nature"
5: infinity sign - [another interesting one] - sexual union and sense of perfection - two becoming one (two uniting circles, one representing man and the other woman)

SYMBOLS FROM BOTTOM LEFT TO TOP LEFT

1: ???? - not in the 1988 edition
2: sulfer - sacred to Athene - associated w. purification - also symbolized angry aspect of Athene (Goddess Brimo), which was also identified w. Demeter
3: labrys (axe) - stood for Amazons and their Goddess (Demeter / Artemis / etc.) - has been adopted by lesbians as their amuletic symbol
4: corn dolly - embodiment of the harvest - one of its many alternate names was the Demeter
5: symbol for Ceres, Roman title of Great Goddess as Mother of the Harvest and ruler of all grains - indicated planting of male seed in earth's womb
6: sistrum - used to worship Egyptian Great Goddess - sacred rattle - its sound dispelled evil spirits
 

What's the deal with this crazy 'Beans' song? That can't be Kurt, can it?
Yes it can be! And it is. Chad Channing, Nirvana drummer extraordinaire, 1988-1990, says so himself!

What is the Church of Kurt Cobain?
The Church Of Kurt Cobain in Washington started getting national recognition after Kurt's death. They supposedly were built around the philosophies found in Nirvana lyrics. However, after about a week, this "church" was revealed to have been a hoax to win a Portland, Oregon radio station contest. The idea was to expose the station to as many people as possible; however, these guys did not win.

What is Melvana?
Melvana is a group featuring members of Nirvana and the Melvins. The group was composed of Buzz Osbourne, Krist Novoselic, and Dave Grohl. They played once, on 01/15/92. They played as many as 5 songs, but only 2 are available, 2 Flipper covers, "Sacrifice" & "Way of The World."

Is Krist online? Is it true that Krist posted in the newsgroup?
It is true that Krist has posted a few messages in the newsgroup since 1994. You may read the posts below, in the Miscellaneous section.

Who are Sweet 75, and have they broken up?
Sweet 75 is the band featuring former Nirvana bassist Krist Novoselic. They broke up for a few months in 1998, but as of June '98 they reunited. As of now, they have one self-titled record and an Australian-released single. After breaking up, Krist was in the band Sky Cries Mary, and Sweet 75 lead singer Yva Las Vegas was in the band Didi7.

Wasn't Krist into a lot of politics after Nirvana ended?
He sure was, and he still is. Early on after the demise of Nirvana he was much involved with an anti-censorship group called JAMPAC. He is currently the president of JAMPAC. 

Who is Tom Grant? What's all this I keep hearing about Kurt being murdered?
Tom Grant is an investigator in California. He was originally hired by Courtney to find Kurt. He, among others, has formulated theories that Kurt was murdered. He has accumulated quite the online following and has just as many people who think he's crazy. Tom Grant has his own web site where he updates his theories and progress; you can find a link here.

What is "Fecal Matter?"
It is a demo Kurt made at his Aunt Mary's house in December of 1985. It is considered the "holy grail" of Nirvana collectibles. There is a CD titled "Fecal Matters." This is not the real Fecal Matter demo. It is just some Bleach-era studio material. A few years back, Fecal Matter Quest (an old online group which hoped to find the demo and other rare Nirvana recordings) found what some believe to be the Fecal Matter demo. It was the hot topic of discussion in online discussions among Nirvana fans. That recording turned out to be a fake.

What is "Organized Confusion"?
Organized Confusion is similar to Fecal Matter, except it was recorded a couple years before Fecal Matter in December of 1982. Some think that the fake "Fecal Matter demo" being distributed through the Internet is actually O.C., but it's not.

What are a few of the aliases that Kurt and Nirvana went under?
When Kurt & Courtney would check into hotels many times they would go under the names Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen. Sid Vicious was the bass player for the Sex Pistols and Nancy was his girlfriend. Just one of the couples Kurt & Courtney were compared to. Kurt & Courtney were also compared many times to John Lennon and Yoko Onno. When Nirvana was recording "In Utero" with producer Steve Albini they checked into the recording studio as the Simon Ritchie Project. Simon Ritchie was actually Sid Vicious's real name. If you are interested in finding out more about Sid Vicious or the Sex Pistols check out the 1986 movie "Sid and Nancy." Courtney Love is also in a small part of the movie, playing one of Nancy's friends. 

How tall was Kurt, and how much did he weigh?
Well, there are various reports, but according to the missing person report that Courtney filed claiming to be Kurt's mother in Seattle when Kurt was no where to be found states that he was 5'10" and weighed 135 pounds.

I heard Nirvana was once sued over copyright infringements. What was that all about?
Nirvana was sued by the band, Killing Joke. According to the bassist Paul Raven, papers were filed in Los Angeles claiming that the guitar riff of Nirvana's "Come As You Are" is a direct copy of Killing Joke's 1985 hit, "Eighties." Krist Novoselic went in to court on the behalf of Nirvana, and the case was later dismissed.

Has Courtney stayed close with the Cobain family since Kurt's death?
According to a Courtney press release from 1997 (at the same time she announced the sale of the Seattle home), Courtney was going to buy a "horse farm" in Washington St. where Kurt's mother and aunts were going to live. She planned for Frances to visit the farm often because "horses are good for little girls."

I have seen that Kurt had a some sort of tattoo on his arm, what is that?
Yes, Kurt indeed had a tattoo on his arm, the K Records symbol. K Records is the Olympia, WA based label run by Calvin Johnson. Plus I'm sure it had an added bonus as the first letter of his name. Kurt did the tattoo himself circa 1991 and Dave Grohl reportedly taught Kurt how to do it.

I heard Kurt & Courtney made a few threatening phone calls to some people in 1992, what happened?
Well, when Kurt & Courtney found out about an unauthorized book that was supposed to be coming out about them and Nirvana that was hyping itself up and going to reveal the real side behind their lives and this angered the too very much. They tried to come to a compromise with the two ladies writing the book to no avail. So Courtney Love left a message on Victoria Clarke's answering machine (one of the authors) followed by nine of Kurt's. They had already been having problems with Lynn Hirschburg of Vanity Fair, and now there was not to be just one bad article, which last time got custody of Frances taken away from them, but now a whole book! The messages stated everything from begging them to not publish a book, to trying to compromise with them by paying them off, and even went as fas as threatening to have them snuffed out. In the end, nothing came of the incident.

C. - Bootlegs, Bootlegs, Bootlegs
What's the deal with Nirvana bootlegs?
Well, obviously, Nirvana is not touring anymore. The only way to truly experience what Nirvana was is to listen to live tapes. There are currently over 220 'surfaced' Nirvana shows (meaning that they are circulating amongst the traders and not being hoarded by a small group). The earliest show available is an unknown 1987 party show. The last available show is a TV broadcast of the final Nirvana concert in Munich, Germany on March 1, 1994.

Aren't bootlegs illegal?
We use the word bootleg freely in this FAQ. What we are trading are live concert tapes, which most bands don't have a problem with. The problem lies with bootleg and pirate CDs, which can cut into a band's profits. For more info on this, read the alt.music.bootlegs FAQ.

What is the band's view?
I know that Kurt owned a few bootlegs (by other bands). In fact, he was introduced to the Meat Puppets music by a bootleg. Dave now collects some Nirvana bootlegs. There was a newspaper article where he talked about going to Europe and buying bootleg CDs.
I have an older interview with Krist where he describes bootlegging as 'stealing music'. I don't know if he's changed his view, and trading tapes with someone else probably wouldn't be included in this description.

How do I get started?
There are several ways to start collecting bootlegs of Nirvana. One of several is to get in touch with someone who will do a "trade for blanks" (see the alt.music.bootlegs FAQ for info).
It's been my experience that most Nirvana fans are fairly generous with live recordings because they realize that now that the band is gone, the bootlegs are a great way to spread the music. Many fan home pages include personal bootleg collection lists in hopes of finding people to trade with, and the newsgroup is swarming with people interested in trading. If you don't have anything to trade yet, most traders will trade 2:1; this means that you send them two blank tapes, and they send you one back with whatever bootleg you chose.

Another way is to visit your local import "hole-in-the-wall" record store. More often than not, these deal in bootlegs.
 
 

III. Album & Song Info

A.1 - Bleach
Info:  *Produced by Jack Endino.
       *Drums by Chad Channing on all tracks except Floyd the Barber,
        Paper Cuts, and Downer, which have Dale Crover on drums.
       *Album's recording cost is listed as being $606.17, which was
        paid for by Jason Everman, who did not appear on the album
        despite his credit in the liner notes.
       *The bulk of the album was recorded on 12/24/88, 12/29/88, and 
        1/24/89 at Reciprocal Studios in Seattle, WA with three tracks being 
        drawn from the 1/23/88 Jack Endino/Dale Crover session.
       *Nirvana was billed for 30 hours of studio time.
       *Downer appears only on the CD release.
       *Older vinyl versions do not contain Big Cheese.
       *Released June 6th, 1989 by Sub Pop Records (SP 34b US) and
 remastered and rereleased by Geffen in 4/92.
Notes: The first 1,000 pressings were on white vinyl. The second 2,000 pressings were on black vinyl. Other pressings can be found on red, marbled pink, marbled green, transparent pink, splattered purple, and marbled white vinyl. 
(More colors may exist.)

The Songs and Their Meanings:
DISCLAIMER: These Song Interpretations are NOT mine, they are drawn from interviews with the band. Do not e-mail me your interpretation of the song and expect me to put them in the FAQ. There are many different ways to interpret Nirvana's songs; I truly believe that there is no one correct interpretation to any song.

Blew (2:53) - The whole song conveys themes of entrapment.

Floyd the Barber (2:15) - A song about a small town that goes bad, the title is taken from a character on The Andy Griffith Show. Everyone turns out to be a mass-murderer. The song also shows Freudian castration fears.

About A Girl (2:46) - A song written for Kurt's girlfriend Tracy, she threatened to kick him out if he didn't get a job. 
Chad Channing named the song when Kurt asked him "What should I name this." Chad replied "What's it about." Kurt said, "A girl." Chad said, "About A Girl."

School (2:40) - A song about the incestuous Seattle Scene. The bands seem to resemble high school cliques.

Love Buzz (3:33) - A cover song from the Dutch group Shocking Blue.

Paper Cuts (4:04) - Part of the lyrics are based on a true story of a family that Kurt was acquainted with, who locked their children in a room. Other lyrics have to deal with parents and neglect.

Negative Creep (2:52) - the first-person narrative from an antisocial person.

Scoff (4:07) - A song that's directed towards the people who didn't believe in Kurt's musical aspirations.

Swap Meet (3:00) - A battle of the sexes put in the background of a Sunday swap meet.

Mr. Moustache (3:21) - Speaks out against the stereotypical male macho image.

Sifting (5:21) - Seems to take on authority figures with it's mention of preachers and teachers.

Big Cheese (3:40) - This song is written about Sub Pop head honcho Jonathan Poneman and the pressures he put on the band.

Downer (1:42) - Kurt's attempt at a political song.
 

A.2 - Nevermind
Info:  *Produced by Butch Vig.
       *All drums by Dave Grohl.
       *Some CDs contain the hidden track "Endless, Nameless" after
        10 minutes of silence following "Something In The Way."  The 
        first 50,000 CDs pressed lack the track and some versions
        pressed by the CD clubs lack it.  (Mine had it.)
       *The album was recorded in May and June of 1991 at Sound City
        Studios in Van Nuys, CA.
       *Inside the album is a page with random lyric lines from the 
        songs.  There are two lines of poetry which do not appear in
        any of the songs.  These lines were made up by Kurt.
       *Nevermind was released on 9/24/91 by Geffen Records (DGC-24425 US).
       *Has sold over 10 million copies worldwide.
Smells Like Teen Spirit (5:01) - An attack on the apathy of our own generation.

In Bloom (4:14) - An attack on people who listen to certain music for the wrong reason. Imagine the stereotypical, macho guy who sings along to Nirvana, but has no clue what he's singing about.

Come As You Are (3:38) - A song full of contradictions on how we act versus how we think society thinks we should act.

Breed (3:03) - Growing up and being trapped by middle-class America.

Lithium (4:15) - A first person narrative of a nervous breakdown, or an update of the Marxist description of religion as 'Opiate of the masses'. An ode to disconnection.

Polly (2:54) - Based on the actual kidnapping of a 14 year old girl and her torture.

Territorial Pissings (2:22) - Multi-themed song that attacks macho men.

Drain You (3:44) - A song about (plainly and simply) love. Highly medical theme.

Lounge Act (2:36) - A song about having a certain vision and being smothered by a relationship.

Stay Away (3:31) - An attack on any conformist clique.

On A Plain (3:14) - Several stanzas of poetry having multi themes.

Something in the way (3:51) - A song about Kurt's experiences living under a bridge when he was temporarily homeless.

Endless, Nameless (6:45) - Previously called 'The Noise Jam'. An experimental song created when one of the takes on Lithium went bad.
 

A.3 Incesticide
Info:  *Collection of B-sides and rarities.
       *Originally planned as two different releases by Geffen
        and Sub Pop (to be called "Cash Cow"), but they joined
        forces.
       *The band's intent was to 'beat the bootleggers' by
        releasing the rare songs before the bootleggers could.
       *The pictures in the album, from left to right are:
        Krist Novoselic, Kurt Cobain, Dave Grohl, Dale Crover,
        Chad Channing, and Danny Peters.
       *Released on 12/15/92 by Geffen Records (DGC-24504 US).

Song Producer Drummer Date + Studio Session ==== ======== ======= ===================== Dive Butch Vig Chad Channing 04/??/90 - Smart Studio Sliver Jack Endino Danny Peters 07/11/90 - Reciprocal Recording Studios Stain Steve Fisk Chad Channing 09/??/89 - Music Source Studios Been A Son Miti Adhikari Dave Grohl 11/??/91 - BBC Studios, Mark Goodier Turnaround Dale Griffin Dave Grohl 10/21/90 - Maide Vaile Studios, John Peel Molly's Lips Dale Griffin Dave Grohl 10/21/90 - Maide Vaile Studios, John Peel Son Of A Gun Dale Griffin Dave Grohl 10/21/90 - Maide Vaile Studios, John Peel (New Wave) Polly Miti Adhikari Dave Grohl 11/??/91 - BBC Studios, Mark Goodier Beeswax Jack Endino Dale Crover 01/23/88 - Reciprocal Recording Studios Downer Jack Endino Dale Crover 01/23/88 - Reciprocal Recording Studios Mexican Seafood Jack Endino Dale Crover 01/23/88 - Reciprocal Recording Studios Hairspray Queen Jack Endino Dale Crover 01/23/88 - Reciprocal Recording Studios Aero Zeppelin Jack Endino Dale Crover 01/23/88 - Reciprocal Recording Studios Big Long Now Jack Endino Dale Crover 01/23/88 - Reciprocal Recording Studios Aneurysm Miti Adhikari Dave Grohl 11/??/91 - BBC Studios, Mark Goodier
 

Dive (3:53) - "Yet Another re-write of the heavy string-bend grunge formula."
Sliver (2:12) - A semi-biographical song about being deserted by your parents.

Stain (2:37) - "Floyd The Barber's sister."

Been A Son (1:53) - Song about a girl whose parents wanted a boy, a "slower, lamer" version can be found on the Blew EP.

Turnaround (2:17) - Cover of a Devo song, "The best Devo song," available as the b-side to the Whip It single (WBS-49550).

Molly's Lips (1:51) - Cover of a Vaselines song, "Our favorite Vaselines song, I left out some of the lyrics because I was too lazy to write them down," appears on the Sub Pop release "The Way Of The Vaselines" (Sub Pop 145).

Son of a Gun (2:47) - Cover of a Vaselines song, "Our second favorite Vaseline's song -- get the Knack," appears on the Sub Pop release "The Way Of The Vaselines" (Sub Pop 145).

New Wave Polly (1:46) - Faster recording of Nevermind's Polly, "Better to do a power pop version rather than a reggae, salsa, or fox trot."

Beeswax (2:47) - 

Downer (1:47) - See listing for 'Bleach'.

Mexican Seafood (1:52) - Some people seem to believe this is about a yeast infection.

Hairspray Queen (4:12) - "Looking back on this first demo, I've come to realize how incredibly New Wave we once were ... Kajagoogoo"

Aero Zeppelin (4:39) - "Christ! Yeah, let's just throw together some heavy metal riffs in no particular order and give it a quirky name in homage to a couple of our favorite masturbatory 70's rock acts"

Big Long Now (5:01) - "Gee... a long time ago I had really long hair and was into setting a mood. I hope The Psychadelic Furs don't sue me."

Aneurysm (4:36) - Possibly about shooting heroin, "A recent attempt at getting back to our New Wave roots"
 

A.4 - In Utero
Info:  *Produced by Steve Albini.
       *All drums by Dave Grohl.
       *Recorded at Pachyderm Studios in March, 1993.
       *Two tracks (Heart-Shaped Box and All Apologies) remixed at the
        band's request by Scott Litt (of R.E.M. fame) in the summer of 1993,
        during that session the song "Sappy" was recorded again.
       *A special version which is for sale in certain stores (such as Wal-
        Mart and K-Mart) labels Rape Me as "Waif Me" and features slightly 
        altered back cover art.  Censorship, basically, but allowed by Kurt
        because he knew that many kids around the country would not have
        access to the albums if they were not available through these 
        stores.
       *There is a piece on the meanings of the symbols earlier in this FAQ, 
        in the 'frequently asked questions' section.
       *On the disc itself is a picture of Kurt and Courtney's nanny
        dressed in drag with the word 'princess' scrawled on his stomach.
       *Non-U.S. versions contain the track "Gallons of Rubbing Alcohol
        Flow Through The Strip," a 7:33 jam session as the "Devalued
        American Dollar Incentive Track," appearing after 25 minutes of 
        silence following the end of "All Apologies."
       *Originally titled "I Hate Myself And Want To Die," then to be
        titled "Verse Chorus Verse," finally "In Utero" was settled on.
       *"In Utero" is Latin for "In The Womb."
       *Released 9/21/93 in the US (9/14/93 elsewhere) by Geffen Records
        (DGC-24607 US).
       *Sold 500,000 copies in its first week (overshadowed by Pearl 
        Jam's "Vs" which sold 900,000 copies).  Has sold over 5 million 
        copies to date.
Serve the Servants (3:54) - An autobiographical song about the whole Nirvana experience, the 'witch hunt' on Courtney Love, and a sarcastic response to the emphasis placed on the divorce of Kurt's parents.

Scentless Apprentice (3:47) - Based on the novel 'Perfume' by Patrick Suskind, about a perfume maker who kills virgins for their scent.

Heart Shaped Box (4:39) - (You could write a book about this song) Themes of codependancy and many other themes.

Rape me (2:49) - In Kurt's words, the song is a sort of poetic justice. A guy rapes a girl. He ends up in jail and is raped there. Some interpret it as Kurt's feelings about being 'raped' by the media.

Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle (4:07) - A song about the story of Frances Farmer, who was declared insane and lobotomized.

Dumb (2:20) - Ignorance is bliss. There is a certain care-free happiness involved in being dumb. Drug related themes dominate the song.

Very Ape (1:55) - An attack on the stereotypical macho man.

Milk it (3:52) - A song about co-dependancy, it heavily carries the medical theme.

Pennyroyal Tea (3:36) - A song about making a tough decision and the difficult choices around it and the guilt following it. Pennyroyal Tea is used as an abortive substance, when drunk in large quantities. However, due to its toxicity, it is dangerous for people to drink large quantities of the tea.

Radio Friendly Unit Shifter (4:49) - According to Kurt this song is a throw-away. A bunch of random poetry lines thrown together. The title is a reference to 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' and it's slick, radio-friendly sound.

tourette's (1:33) - This song seems to lack meaning. Kurt just screamed a lot, based on Tourette's Syndrome; A severe case of T.S. causes one to shout out obscenities at any time, without control. Other symptoms involve uncontrolled twitching and other bodily movements.

All Apologies (3:50) - Contrary to popular belief, this song is not about Frances and Courtney. He wrote it for them, but none of the lyrics really apply.

Gallons of Rubbing Alcohol Flow Through the Strip (7:33) (Non-U.S. version) - More or less, a spoken-word song to music. This is an improv-style song.
 

A.5 - MTV's Unplugged in New York
Info:  *Produced by: Scott Litt.
       *Features appearances by two members of The Meat Puppets.
       *Labeled as being complete, it does contain all the songs, but
        the entire session lasted about 15 minutes longer.  Geffen cut out
        some banter and tunings.  There are complete versions floating
        around on video.
       *Originally conceived as a double-album with one CD containing the
        Unplugged session and the second CD containing other live
        electric tracks.
       *Released 11/1/94 by Geffen Records (DGC-24727 US).
       *Has sold about 3.4 million copies as of the release of 
        FTMB.
About A Girl (3:37) - From the album 'Bleach'

Come As You Are (4:13) - From the album 'Nevermind'

Jesus Wants Me For A Sunbeam (4:37) - Cover of a Vaseline's song which is available on the Sub Pop release "The Way Of The Vaselines" (Sub Pop 145). The CD mistakenly has it listed as "Jesus Doesn't Want Me For a Sunbeam."

The Man Who Sold The World (4:20) - Cover of a David Bowie song which is available on the album "Man Who Sold The World" (Ryko 10132).

Pennyroyal Tea (3:40) - From the album 'In Utero'

Dumb (2:52) - From the album 'In Utero'

Polly (3:16) - From the album 'Nevermind'

On A Plain (3:44) - From the album 'Nevermind'

Something In The Way (4:01) - From the album 'Nevermind'

Plateau (3:38) - Cover of a Meat Puppet's song which appears on the album "Meat Puppets II" (SST 19).

Oh Me (2:36) - Cover of a Meat Puppet's song which appears on the album "Meat Puppets II" (SST 19).

Lake Of Fire (2:55) - Cover of a Meat Puppet's song which appears on the album "Meat Puppets II" (SST 19).

All Apologies (4:23) - From the album 'In Utero'

Where Did You Sleep Last Night? (5:06) - Cover of a Leadbelly (Huddie Ledbetter) song (often titled "In The Pines" which appears on the album "Where Did You Sleep Last Night?" (Folkways 40044). Leadbelly's version itself is a take on an older, traditional song in the South.
 

A.6 - From The Muddy Banks Of The Wishkah
Info:  *Live album originally conceived to be released with the Unplugged
        CD.
       *Contains 16 tracks which range from 1989 to 1994.
       *Krist Novoselic listened to over 100 hours of live shows to
        pick out the 16 tracks.
       *There is a special 2LP vinyl release which contains five minutes
        of crowd banter on the 4th side.
       *The intro on the CD is the 'soundcheck' from the 12/3/89 show.
        On the European Bleach tour, they never did a full soundcheck,
        they just fooled around with all of the instruments and vocals
        before they started (most had Kurt screaming).
       *FTMB features the first Geffen release of "Spank Thru," which
        appears in different forms on two other releases.
       *The Del Mar 12/28/91 show has been aired on Westwood 1 Radio
        Networks over the years.
       *The 11/19/91 and 11/25/91 performances were taped by TV stations in 
        their respective countries.
       *Released 10/1/96 by Geffen Records (DGC 25105 US).
       *In its first week, 189,000 copies were sold (reached #1 on
        the Billboard charts) and sold 90,000 in it's second week.

The sources for the tracks are as follows:

Intro    12/03/89 (0:52) London, England  Astoria Theatre
School  11/25/91 (2:34) Amsterdam, Holland      Paradiso Club
Drain You 12/28/91 (3:34) Del Mar, CA  Pat O'Brien Pavillion
Aneurysm 12/28/91 (4:29) Del Mar, CA  Pat O'Brien Pavillion
Teen Spirit     12/28/91 (4:40) Del Mar, CA     Pat O'Brien Pavillion
Been A Son 11/25/91 (2:07) Amsterdam, Holland Paradiso Club
Lithium  11/25/91 (4:06) Amsterdam, Holland      Paradiso Club
Sliver  11/10/93 (1:56) Springfield, MA         Springfield Civic Center
Spank Thru 11/19/91 (3:07) Rome, Italy             Castle Theatre
Scentless App.  12/13/93 (3:25) Seattle, WA             Pier 47
HeartShaped Box 12/30/93 (4:41) Los Angeles, CA         Great Western Forum 
Milk It  01/07/94 (3:40) Seattle, WA  Seattle Center Arena
Negative Creep  10/31/91 (2:43) Seattle, WA  Paramount Theatre
Polly         12/03/89 (2:27) London, England  Astoria Theatre
Breed         12/03/89 (3:12) London, England  Astoria Theatre
Tourette's      08/30/92 (1:55) Reading, England Reading Festival
Blew  11/25/91 (3:37) Amsterdam, Holland Paradiso Club
 

B.1 - Singles
Love Buzz / Big Cheese
*Released 10/88 by Sub Pop Records (SP 23 US) as part of the Sub Pop Singles Collection. Limited to 1000 hand-numbered copies on black vinyl.

Sliver / Dive 
*Released 9/90 by Sub Pop Records (SP 73 US). This release contains a phone conversation between Krist Novoselic and Jonathan Poneman.
*Released 01/91 by Tupelo Records (TUP 25 UK). This release contains About A Girl (live) and Spank Thru (live), both recorded live at the Pine Street Theatre in Portland, OR on Febuary 9th, 1990.
Note: First 3,000 pressed on blue vinyl.

Candy (by The Fluid) / Molly's Lips (live)
*Released 01/91 by Sub Pop Records (SP 97 US). Molly's Lips recorded live at the Pine Street Theatre in Portland, OR on Febuary 9th, 1990.
Note: Limited to 7,500 copies. First 3,500 pressed on black vinyl. Last 4,000 on green marbled vinyl.

Here She Comes Now / Venus In Furst (by Melvins)
*Released Summer of 1991 by Communion Records (Communion 23 US). Both of the songs on this single are cover songs originally by the Velvet Underground and they both appear on the compilation album "Heaven and Hell, Vol. 1" (Communion 20 US), which is now out of print.
Note: Available on many different colored vinyl. Each rumored to be limited to 1,000.

Smells Like Teen Spirit / Even In His Youth / Aneurysm 
*Released 9/10/91 by Geffen Records (DGC 21673 US). Some import versions also contain Drain You.

Come As You Are / School (live) / Drain You 
*Released 3/3/92 by Geffen Records (DGC 21707 US). Import versions contain Endless, Nameless. School and Drain You recorded live at the Paramount Theater, Seattle, WA on 10/31/91.

Lithium / Been A Son (live) / Curmudgeon
*Released 7/21/92 by Geffen Records (DGC 21815 US). Import versions contain D-7. Been A Son recorded live at the Paramount Theater, Seattle, WA on 10/31/91. The single contains the lyric sheet for the album Nevermind.

In Bloom / Sliver (live) / Polly (live)
*Released 11/30/92 by Geffen Records UK (GEF 34 UK). Sliver and Polly recorded live at O'Brien Pavillion, Del Mar, CA on 12/28/91.

Puss (by The Jesus Lizard) / Oh, The Guilt
*Released 2/22/93 by Touch and Go Records (TG 83 US).

Heart-Shaped Box / Milk It / Marigold
*Released 8/23/93 by Geffen Records UK (GFST 54 UK). Marigold features Dave Grohl on vocals. A 12 inch vinyl promo features Gallons of Rubbing Alcohol... on the B-side (DGC-PRO-A-4558 US).

All Apologies / Rape Me / Moist Vagina (mv)
*Released 11/93 by Geffen Records UK (GFST 66 UK). The UK versions labels Moist Vagina as "mv," while the other imports (German and Australian) don't censor the title.

6 CD Single Box Set
*Released 11/95 by Geffen Germany (GED 24901) containing the singles to Smells Like Teen Spirit, Come As You Are, Lithium, In Bloom, Heart-Shaped Box, and All Apologies. This was done in an attempt to defeat a bootleg companies attempt to release pirated copies of the singles in their own box set.

Pennyroyal Tea (remix) / I Hate Myself And Want To Die / Where Did You Sleep Last Night (In The Pines - Unplugged Version)
*Released 5/94 by Geffen Records UK (GED 21907 UK) in VERY LIMITED QUANTITIES shortly after the death of Kurt Cobain. This has become quite the collectors item, but it can be found at record shows occasionally. Recently it has been fetching around $200 per copy. You can view scans of the front cover, the back cover, and the actual CD.

About A Girl (Unplugged) / Something In The Way (Unplugged)
*Released 10/24/94 by Geffen Records UK (GED 21958 France).
 

B.2 - EPs
Blew / Love Buzz / Been A Son / Stain
*Released 12/89 by Tupelo Records (TUPEP8 UK). This contains the "slower, lamer" version of Been A Son
Note: Limited to 3,000 on black vinyl. 
Hormoaning
*Released 1/92 on Geffen Records in Japan and Australia (MVCG 17002) to coincide with Nirvana's '92 Pacific Rim tour.
*Geffen Japan did not have authorization to press the CD, but they did so anyway (in mass quantities).
*Contains: Turnaround / Aneurysm / D-7 / Son Of A Gun / Even In His Youth / Molly's Lips.
*Aneurysm is the version that is found on the Teen Spirit single.
*Turnaround, Son Of A Gun, and Molly's Lips are the same as on Incesticide.
*Even In His Youth is the same as on the Teen Spirit Single.
*D-7 is the same as the Lithium single version.
 

B.3 - Videos
For more video information, see the Nirvana Video Guide, linked to in this FAQ's links section.

Short Play
During April 14th and 15th, Nirvana did a video shoot with some film students at Evergreen College in Washington. Videos for the following songs were made: School, Lithium (two versions), Big Cheese, Floyd The Barber. MTV has played part of the Big Cheese video in their Tribute to Nirvana. These videos are circulating amongst bootleggers.
Note: The complete edited version of Lithium can be found on an extremely rare video compilation called "1200 Seconds" released in October of 1990.

In Bloom (original)
*Shot in New York City sometime around 4/25/90, over two days.
*Krist shaved his head after the New York City show, so there are some scenes where he has hair and some where he's bald.
*This video appears on Sub Pop Video Network 1 (SPV1 US).

Smells Like Teen Spirit
*Filmed on 8/17/91 at GMT Studios in Culver City, CA.
*Directed by Samuel Bayer.
*People who attended the 8/15/91 show at the Roxy were invited to the video shoot and it was announced on a radio station.
*The video took about eight hours to shoot.
*The janitor in the video was the janitor in Sam Bayer's apartment building.
*The video was originally conceived to be 'the pep rally from Hell," with the kids leaving the gym at the end of the video and turning over cars and burning effigies.

Come As You Are
*Filmed on 1/21/92 at ???
*Directed by Kevin Kerslake.
*The background footage was shot by the band in a park in Hollywood Hills.

Lithium
*Directed by Kevin Kerslake.
*A montage of live performances from 8/23/91, 9/1/91, and 10/31/91.
*The video was originally conceptualized as being an animated film about a young girl who finds eggs and brings them to a king, but it would have taken too long to animate.

In Bloom
*Directed by Kevin Kerslake.
*Features the band on an Ed Sullivan-type show in the '60s.
*Authentic cameras from that time period were used.
*The footage of the buck-toothed kid is from an old [pre-American Bandstand Dick Clark show] performance by Paul Anka of "Lonely Boy." I've seen it myself...that face and smile are unmistakable!
*The video was originally conceptualized as being about a girl who is born into a KKK family and eventually realizes that her family is evil.
*There are three different versions of this video: the first is the one that MTV plays regularly, with half the video done in suits, half in dresses; the second was played once, when 120 Minutes on MTV premiered the video, featuring the band in all dresses; the third, unaired version features the band in all suits.

Sliver
*Directed by Kevin Kerslake.
*Shot in late March 1993 in Kurt's garage at his house.
*Frances Bean Cobain is featured in the video.
*MTV's rules on product placement caused parts of the video to be blurred.

Heart-Shaped Box
*Directed by Anton Corbjin.
*Shot in late summer, 1993.
*Kevin Kerslake attempted to sue the band for trying to steal his idea.
 

Long Play
1991: The Year Punk Broke
*Directed by Dave Markey as a document of the 8/91 European tour.
*Approximate running time is 90 minutes.
*Features tracks by Sonic Youth, Nirvana, Dinosaur Jr., The Ramones, and other bands that toured.
*Released 1992 by Geffen Video (R-2677).
*Nirvana songs featured are: Negative Creep (from ???), School (from 9/1/91), Endless, Nameless (from 8/23/91), Smells Like Teen Spirit (from 8/20/91), and Polly (from ???).

Live! Tonight! Sold Out!!
*Released 11/15/94 by Geffen on video and laserdisc (DGCV 39541 US, Image ID2772MS).
*Approximate Running Time is 83 minutes.
*Contains live songs, interviews, and backstage footage from the Nevermind tour days.

 
Songs and their sources are:
Aneurysm   Amsterdam, Holland 11/25/91 + Rio 1/23/93
About A Girl  Seattle, WA 10/31/91
Dive   Rio 1/23/93
Love Buzz  Dallas, TX 10/19/91
Breed   Seattle, WA 10/31/91
Smells Like Teen Spirit London, UK "Top o' The Pops" TV show
Negative Creep  Honolulu, HI 2/22/92
Come As You Are  Amsterdam, Holland 11/25/91
Territorial Pissings    London TV 12/6/91 + Amsterdam 11/25/91
Something In The Way    Nagoya, Japan 2/16/92
Lithium   Reading, England 8/30/92
Drain You  Amsterdam, Holland 11/25/91
Polly   Seattle, WA 10/31/91
Sliver   Amsterdam, Holland 11/25/91
On A Plain  Roskilde, Denmark 6/26/92
Endless, Namelss Seattle, WA 10/31/91
Nirvana is also featured in the film Hype! (a documentary on the Seattle Music Scene) and contains footage of the first performance of Smells Like Teen Spirit (with different lyrics).
B.4 - Compilation Appearances
"Spank Thru" appears on Sub Pop 200 on Sub Pop Records (SP 25b US).
*Released 12/88.
Note: Limited to 5,000 copies.
"Spank Thru" appears on Sub Pop Rock City on Glitterhouse Records (GR0052).
*Released ??/88.

"Mexican Seafood" appears on Teriyaki Asthma on C/Z records (C/Z 037 US).
*Released 8/89, Released 11/92.
Note: Limited to 1,000 copies on black vinyl.

"Do You Love Me" appears on Hard To Believe on C/Z records (C/Z 024 US).
*This is a KISS Tribute Compilation.
*Released 10/90.
*Features the only recorded appearance of Jason Everman.

"Here She Comes Now" appears on Heaven and Hell vol. 1 on Communion Records (Communion 20 US).
*This is a Velvet Underground Tribute Compilation.
*Released in 1991.

"Dive" appears on The Grunge Years on Sub Pop Records (SP 112 US).
*Released 6/91.

"Beeswax" appears on Kill Rock Stars on K Records (KRS 201 US).
*Released 8/21/91.

"Return of the Rat" appears on 8/14 Songs for Greg Sage and the Wipers on Tim/Kerr records (T/K 917010 TRIB 2 US).
This is a Wipers Tribute Compilation.
*Original version readily available on the Hype! Soundtrack (SP 371 US).
*Released 6/20/92.

"The Priest They Called Him" appears on the album of the same name on Tim/Kerr records (T/K 9210044/92CD044).
*This is a story written & recited by William S. Burroughs.
*Kurt plays the noise background.
*Krist appears on the cover in the priest outfit.
*Released summer, 1993

"Sappy" appears on No Alternative on Arista Records (07822-18737-2 US).
*This is an AIDS Benefit album.
*Nirvana has the final, uncredited track.
*Released late '93.

"I Hate Myself and Want To Die" appears on The Beavis and Butt-Head Experience on Geffen Records (GEFD 24613 US).
*Released 1994.

"Pay To Play" appears on DGC Rarities Vol. 1 on Geffen Records (DGCD-24704 US).
*Pay to Play is a demo version of Stay Away recorded at Smart Studios by Butch Vig in April of 1990.
*06/94.

"Radio Friendly Unit Shifter" (live) appears on Home Alive on EPIC Records (E2K 67486).
*Released 2/20/96.
*This version recorded live in Grenoble, France at Le Summens 2/19/94.

"Negative Creep" appears on the Hype! soundtrack on Sub Pop Records (SP 371 US).
*Released 10/1/96.
*The soundtrack features tracks by Seattle-area artists and is meant to be a 'companion piece' to the movie.
*The final track on the CD (#23) is uncredited, but it features a 30-second snippet of the Muzak version of Smells Like Teen Spirit beginning around the 1:20 mark of the track.
*Nirvana is featured in the movie with a live clip of the first performance of Smells Like Teen Spirit.
 

C.1 - Older, Non-Studio Demos: The Fecal Matter demo
This is information compiled by Jeff about the infamous Fecal Matter demo.
Kurt on Vocals and Guitar
Greg Hokanson on Drums (actually a drum pad he borrowed from Dale Crover).
Dale Crover on Bass

It has 7 songs...
Here are some titles that I've gotten...

1. Sound of Dentage
2. Bambi Slaughter
3. Laminated Effect
4. Buffy's Pregnant
5. Spank Thru
6. Downer (instramental)
7. Suicide Samurai

Lyric info:

There is a heavy metal-type song w/lyrics like
 

"You said you changed....
Like to do experiments
Why are you so mean to me"

Buffy's Pregnant goes:

"Buffy's pregnant, you'll fit the class/we'll all debate
who's got the nicest ass\spreading mind-games etc.....
Chorus "Clone" (x5)

It has some funny spoken word parts where Kurt impersonates a cheerleader and talks about beating up "punk rock faggots."
This demo is hard to come by. Some bootleggers have it, but they don't circulate it.
 

C.2 - Older, Non-Studio Demos: "Mellow 4-track Shit"
This demo features three songs:
1. Cracker ("Polly")
2. Seed ("Misery Loves Company" - Never rerecorded)
3. Sad ("Verse Chorus Verse")

This demo was recorded in early 1988 and is readily available through bootleggers. Two different versions of this session are available. Alex Bender (alemik@ix.netcom.com): There are two different versions of this session available. The best version is on the "Hollywood Rock Festival" bootleg disc and features a 30 second noise intro to Seed that sounds a little like the moaning in Moist Vagina. It also features some additional guitar noises at the end of Cracker and Sad. It is better quality than on Outcesticide 1, the most common version, which also cuts out the Seed intro and the other various noises.
 

C.3 - Older, Non-Studio Demos: The "4 quirky song demo"
These demos were recorded to be included on Bleach, but Sub Pop thought the songs were "retarded." The songs on it are:
1. Untitled (called Bambi Kill/Slaughter by bootleggers)
2. Clean Up Before She Comes 
3. Beans
4. Black and White Blues (an instrumental, title not definite)

These demos appear on a bootleg disc called "Dressed for Success" along with an old boombox version of About A Girl and a version of Drain You recorded in 1990 with the Melvins.
 

D. - Unused Studio Tracks
Songs that were recorded in the studio but have yet to appear on any official releases:

If You Must        1/23/88 by Jack Endino - Available on bootlegs
Pen Cap Chew       1/23/88 by Jack Endino - Available on bootlegs
Blandest           6/11/88 by Jack Endino - Available on bootlegs
Token Eastern Song 9/??/89 by Steve Fisk - Not Available Yet
There are also alternate versions (w/different lyrics in some cases) of Blew, Even In His Youth, Polly, Siftings, Mr. Moustache, and many others.

There were reportedly four songs recorded for Nevermind that were never used, but were completed. Speculation says they could have included Dumb and Pennyroyal Tea (which were written in late '90). Rape Me was also conceived at the Nevermind recording, but it was deemed too harsh.

In late January, 1994, Nirvana went to Bob Lang Studios and recorded the tentatively-titled "You've Got No Right." This song was played live once, on 10/23/93, and Hole performed the song on Hole Unplugged.
Dave and Krist recorded some of their own songs, as well.
 

E. - What's Next?
With the release of From the Muddy Banks, we face the uncertainty of another Nirvana album. Supposedly we are to expect a boxed set from Geffen in late 1999. As you can see from the list above, there are plenty of unreleased tracks that Geffen could release. Another possibility would be a sequel to Incesticide, another B-side collection with a few new tracks.
Geffen kept pushing the fact that Live! Tonight! Sold Out!! was from the Nevermind days, perhaps a sequel with footage from the In Utero tour is possible.

One thing is certain, anything is possible. Look at the Beatles Anthology series, which was released some 30 years after some of the songs were recorded. Hopefully we won't have to wait that long.
 

IV. TV And Radio Appearances
04/17/87 - KAOS Olympia Community Radio - Olympia, WA
Love Buzz / Floyd The Barber / Downer / Mexican Seafood / White Lace And Strange / Spank Thru / Anorexorist / Hairspray Queen / Pen Cap Chew
10/26/89 - Maide Vaile Studios (John Peel Session) - London, England
About A Girl / Love Buzz / Polly / Spank Thru

11/01/89 - VPRO-FM Radio Station (Nozems a Go Go) - Hilversum, Holland
About A Girl / Dive / Love Buzz

09/25/90 - KAOS Olympia Community Radio (Boy Meets Girl Radio) - Olympia, WA
Opinion / Lithium / D-7 / Dumb

10/21/90 - Maide Vaile Studios (John Peel Session) - London, England
D-7 / Molly's Lips / Son Of A Gun / Turnaround

09/03/91 - Maide Vaile Studios (John Peel Session) - London, England
Dumb / Drain You / Endless, Nameless

11/05/91 - BBC Studios (Mark Goodier Radio 1 Session) - London, England
Been A Son / (New Wave) Polly / Aneurysm / Something In The Way

11/08/91 - BBC Studios "The Word" - London, England
Smells Like Teen Spirit

11/24/91 - VARA-FM Studios (Twee Meter De Lucht In) - Hilversium, Holland
Here She Comes Now (take 1) / Here She Comes Now (take 2) / Where Did You Sleep Last Night 

11/27/91 - BBC Studios "Top of the Pops" - London, England
Smells Like Teen Spirit (lip-synched goth version)

12/06/91 - Channel 4 Studios "Jonathan Ross Show" - London, England
Territorial Pissings

01/10/92 - MTV Studios - New York City, NY
SOUNDCHECK: On A Plain / Stain
PERFORMANCE: Drain You / School / Molly's Lips / Polly / Aneurysm Smells Like Teen Spirit / Territorial Pissings
*(Total playing time: about an hour, these tracks NOT IN ORDER)

01/11/92 - NBC Studios (Saturday Night Live) - New York City, NY
Smells Like Teen Spirit / Territorial Pissings

09/09/92 - UCLA's Pauley Pavilion (MTV Video Music Awards) - Los Angeles, CA
Rape Me (intro) / Lithium

09/25/93 - NBC Studios (Saturday Night Live) - New York City, NY
Heart Shaped Box / Rape Me

11/18/93 - Sony Studios (MTV Unplugged) - New York City, NY
About A Girl / Come As You Are / Jesus Wants Me For A Sunbeam / Dumb / The Man Who Sold The World / Pennyroyal Tea / Polly / On A Plain / Plateau / Lake Of Fire / All Apologies / Where Did You Sleep Last Night
*(Aired 12/16/93 in this order above, true order and song list is reflected on the Unplugged CD)

02/04/94 - Canal Nulle Part Ailleurs - Paris, France
Rape Me / Pennyroyal Tea / Drain You

02/23/94 - RAI Italian TV: Tunnel - Rome, Italy
Serve The Servants / Dumb
 

V. Miscellaneous
A. - Krist Novoselic's Internet posts
This is the first of his posts:
From: Krist Novoselic <[e-mail address deleted]>
Newsgroups: alt.music.nirvana
Date: 24 Sep 94 21:34 PDT
Subject: Steve Tyler is cool.

Kurt respected Steven tyler and Aerosmith very much.  He met Steven once and
Steven laid a NA trip on him & Courtney and Mike Starr from Alice in Chains.
Not preaching about NA , just relating about his trips with drugs and all.
They would all have been good to listen to Mr. TR  Tyler.  Steve knew hiss 
shit and just wanted to relate to them.  Youthful cynicism or what ever, 
we shall see.

This is the second post:
From:  [e-mail address deleted]
Date: Wed Nov  9 18:12:43 EST 1994

  Thank you all for the messages.  I cannot answer n  any of them.  I am sorry.
I don't have the time or the energy and frankly, I can't dwell on Nirvana.
I can't spill my guts.  It's too personal and again, I can't dwell on it.  I
guess I'm the little bass player who can't.  Chugga, chugga, choo, choo.
Wow that was a rush.  I'm embarassed!  There is too much pain.  I'm over the
daily "grief waves" but still go through feelings of confusion, anger, regrets,
missing him and alot of times a feeling of beautiful loving feelings for my
friend.  Fuck this is enough.  Next time I'll upload so my software can tell
me when i am repeating words too often.  It's late and I'm kinda tired.
  Nothing matters anymore anyway.  The christians are going to baptise us
before we're marched up to the wall.  I'm talking about the mid term elections.
When the Christian coalition comes a knocken, both house's are gonna have to
heed.  If that's the case, God help us all! (sic)  True Christains want to
emulate Jesus.  You know, to be right on and not judge, be forgiving bring
wine to weddings and have long hair and a beard.
  The suede denim secret police are gonna get me for that one, fer sure.  Wow,
by the way I've been rambling, you'd think that I was Courtney or some thing.
I could never match that prose though, shre(Whoops) she should get her degree.
  So many people are gonna read this because Krist Novoselic wrote it but let
me tell you this, I am a man of the proletariat!  This is quite a boast comming
from my tax bracket.  Remember, socialism is an ethic not an ideology!  I write
this under the gase of an actual portrait, not a print, of Lenin.  I scored
this at the Pike Place Market and it came from some soviet beu  bureau in
Vladivostok.  Newt Gingrich has his St Paul I have no one.  You don't think
that I'm some le bolshevik.  Who needs Lenin when you have Mao?  I'm gonna
start a shining path sattelite up here in the northwest.  I want a Satellite
with a 383 and a four speed pistol grip shifter.  Super Bee.  Coronet. Charger.
  The whole of this silly rant is that I really don't have much to say, right
now.  Sure if I were to be in the seat next to you on a plane and we struck
up a conversation, we'd pass the time by discussing the topics of the day or
what ever.  I cannot answe5r Nirvana questions.  The mail I got was sweet and
I apreaciate it by hey, as the Flav says, "Can't do nothing for you man!"
To be truthful, I'll read your messages but won't reply.  Who am I any way.
I'm the guy next in line at Safeway.  I'm the person in the left lane of traffic
who gets uptight when people won't get over.  I was in an e imencly popular
rock band.  Did I spell immense right?  What ever.  I understand the power of
music so i understand you all.  Sometimes I can't understand jack asses who
talk shit about dear old Kurt but as a true democrat,NO party affiliation,
I'll respect the fact that they have a right to thier opinion, no matter how
shallow and misinformed it is.  We need more respect in this world.
  Remember that the music biz and the rock press have a symbiotic relationship.
  Remember that Nirvana was about music, first and foremost.
  Remeber Leon Trotsky.  THe Fugs, "Dirty Old Man".
  Remember not to e mail me.  I will not answer.
  You are all good.  good bye and god blesss!

Here is the third post:
From: NOVOSELIC ON RS#748 
Newsgroups: alt.music.nirvana
Subject: NOVOSELIC ON RS#748
Date: Wed, 13 Nov 1996 15:13:50 -0800

I've just finished reading the Rolling Stone Article on Pearl 
Jam and Eddie Vedder.  It breaks my heart the way they tear 
apart Eddie.  I really don't think Rolling Stone has the authority 
to carry out such a thrashing.  There are many points in the 
article that I take issue with.

 First off, on a personal note, it was painful that those 
writers had to exhume Kurt to build up their case against Pearl 
Jam.  R.S. opened up a can of worms.  No one was above or 
below receiving a negative perspective from Kurt.  No one.  Some 
were printed, some weren't.  I'll assure Rolling Stone that a 
quickly penned message on a T-shirt was the least of it.  I'll tell 
you this though, if Kurt knew someone was personally hurt by 
his words, he truly felt bad.  God bless Kurt.

 It seems like the magazine believes it has license to use 
Kurt's name to illustrate any point it wants to make.  A few 
months ago it was a reefer madness, anti-drug hysteria article 
against Seattle.  Now they dig up Kurt to slam one of our 
exemplary community leaders.  This belligerence and disrespect 
annoys me.

 What standard is R.S. basing its scrutiny on?  For R.S. to 
judge Pearl Jam or Eddies credibility, in regards to the 
revolution, is a complete ruse.  If not the revolution, then what 
are they holding him up to?  I have original copies of the earliest 
R.S. magazines.  I love them.  30 years ago they had something 
to say.  Printed on newsprint it was like a fanzine, the music and 
politics covered were truly revolutionary.  Today, the magazine 
is pop culture and political status quo.  Why did R.S. move 
away from it's original mission?  It did so to keep up with it's 
demographic.  R.S. may be successful but is it real?  I'd like to 
quote a true revolutionary, Jesus Christ, who said, "It is better 
to have not known me than to have known me and turned 
away".  

 R.S. turned away long ago.  Rolling Stone magazine 
doesn't have the authority or credibility to judge anyone.

 Krist Novoselic
 

B. - Mini book reviews:
This is a list of the books out there dealing with Nirvana read by Jeff, and his opinions on them:
Come As You Are: The Story of Nirvana - by Michael Azerrad
Virgin Books - Released 10/21/93. Rereleased late '94 with new final chapter.
-A necessity. If you like Nirvana and don't have this book, go out and buy it. Referred to online as "CAYA".

Route 666: On the Road to Nirvana - by Gina Arnold
-I skimmed this book in the bookstore one day, and it only appeared to briefly mention the band. The main focus is on the music scene.

Never Fade Away: The Kurt Cobain Story - by Dave Thompson
-This book reads like a tabloid newspaper does. Filled with inaccuracies.

Cobain - The Editors of Rolling Stone
-This is a great collection of articles and interviews about Nirvana from the archives of Rolling Stone. The pictures are great and so are the articles. It's a hardcover and will run you about $30, but it's well worth it.
 

C. - Early Nirvana Biography:
NIRVANA is a three piece from the outskirts of Seattle WA. Kurdt-Guitar/Voice and Chris-Bass have struggled with too many un dedicated drummers for the past 3 years. Performing under such names as: Bliss, Throat Oyster, Pen Cap Chew, Ted Ed Fred ETC... for the last 9 months we have had the pleasure to take Chad-Drums under our wings and develop what we are now and always will be NIRVANA. 3 regularly broadcasted carts on K.C.M.U. (Seattle College Radio also KAOS Olympia) Played with: Leaving Trains, Whipping Boy, Hells Kitchen, Trecherous Jaywalkers + countless local acts. Looking for: EP or LP ...We have about 15 songs recorded on 8 tracks at Reciprocal Studios in Seattle. Willing to compromise on material (some of this shit is pretty old) Tour any-time forever. Hopefully the music will speak for itself. Please Reply. Thank You. 

D. - Kurts Cobain's Designed Fender Jag-Stang:
Specifications:
Body: Basswood
Neck: Maple
Machine Heads: Vintage Style
Fretboard:Rosewood (7.25" Radius/184mm)
No of Frets: 22
Pickups: Vintage Style (neck),Humbucker
Controls: Master Volume, Master Tone
Bridge/Tremolo: Floating Tremolo
Pickup Switching: 2P/U On/Off In/Out Phase
Scale Length: 24" (609.6mm)
Neck Width @ Nut: 1.5625" (39.68mm) 
Designed by: Kurt Cobain and Larry Brooks

E. - Dave Grohl's top 10 drummer jokes:
1. What do Ginger Baker and canteen coffee have in common?
They both suck without Cream.
 

2. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, so long as the roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.

3. What is the difference between a chiropidist and Ginger Baker?
A chiropidist bucks up your feet

4. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it. 

5. How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
The knocking speeds up. 

6. How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
He doesn't know when to come in 

7. How can you tell when the drum riser is level?
Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth 

8. What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless. 

9. How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None: they have a machine to do that now. 

10. What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
"Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?"

F. - 1992 Australian tour info:
Tour Promoter: Steve Pavlovic. (As mentioned in liner notes of Incesticide) 
Publicist: Mandy Barron. 
First show in Australia: Friday, January 24th 1992 at the Phoenician Club in Sydney, Australia. Support Bands: Tumbleweed, The Meanies. 
Last show in Australia: Friday, February 7th 1992 at Selina's, Coogee Bay Hotel, Sydney, Australia. Support Bands: Nunbait, Crow, and Cosmic Psychos 
This was the Start of their Pacific Rim Tour, including New Zealand, Japan and Hawaii. 
The Violent Femmes were paid three times the amount Nirvana earned for their Big Day Out show in Sydney, 1992. 
Jimmy Barnes' (popular Australian performer of the 80's) management rang and asked if Nirvana would play a show with him in Paramatta. 
All Apologies was premiered during the Australian Tour, on the 5th of February, at the ANU Bar at Canberra, and was subsequently played during the next couple of nights as well. 
Because of Cobain's poor health because of his stomach condition, the show at Festival Hall in Brisbane on the 27th of January had to be cut short, and the Perth show at the Metropolis on the 29th was subsequently canceled.

G. - FAQ Of "Perfume" - Kurt Cobain's Favorite Book:
Scentless Apprentice is based on the book Perfume by Patrick Süskind. One of Kurt's favorite books, a book he read several times. Kurt put the full book into 13 short lines in the song. Please take this as a guide not a Bible in how to read this song, this is how I myself see this song, and I might not be correct all the time. I've done my best though. And remember, read th book BEFORE you read this page and try to find out what Scentless Apprentice means, as this page won't make a sense without knowing what the book is about. The book should be available at your local library or online at www.amazon.com. 

Like most babies smell like butter
His smell smelled like no others 

Grenouille was born without a normal human scent. The priest featured in the beginning of the book points out that all babies are born with a scent of butter, and because Grenouille does not have that scent, he is the devil's creature ... 

Not until his mid-twentiws Grenouille would be accepted as a normal person that people would notice, when he made up his own human-scent perfume ... 

He was born scentless and senseless
He was born in a scentless apprentice 

... Grenouille did not have a human scent, nor did he have normal human senses. His smell was excellent and his vision was terrible, so as he grew up he would navigate himself by the use of his nose, most likely with his eyes closed, as they were of no help at all for him ... 

Grenouille was born in a fish hut, and the reason he didn't get normal senses was because his mother tried to kill him as soon as he was born. She let him lie among raw fish and shit in the hut to die, and left him. Neighbours heard his screams though, and his mother was soon arrested and sentenced to death. 

Go away - get awat, get away, get a-way 

Grenouille couldn't stand the human scent because of his ultra-sensitive nose. So he couldn't stand being around other human beings. 

This is also one of a few personal lines from Kurt. The media and mainstream rock world has fucked him over so many times he just wants them to stay away from him and his family and his band. 

Every wet nurse refused to feed him 

Babies without a mother to breast-feed them was given other women to feed them. Those women got paid for their work, and some even lived off of feeding other people's babies. Grenouille went through several of these, but every one of them passed him on to the next "breast-mother" because he was greedy and took all the milk. That meant there were no milk left for the rest of the babies, and they would only get paid for one baby. 

Electrolytes smell like semen 

Grenouille with his unique nose noticed how men stunk of sweat and semen. 

I promise not to sell your perfumed secrets 

When Grenouille left perfume-maker Baldini, who'd gotten rich off of Grenouille's unique skills, he had to promise never to tell anyone about any of the perfume formulas. This didn't bother Grenouille as he was full of new formulas. Right after Grenouille had left Baldini's life, he died. 

There are several formulas for pressing flowers
I lie in the soil and fertilize mushrooms 

At first, Grenouille though fertilizing was the only way to press flowers and get their scent. When he discovered the endless formulas to get the scent out of an item, he was amazed, and spent all night long trying to discover new methods ... 

So he would sit up all night long trying to get the scent out of every item he could find, using all sorts of methods. 

Leaking out fumes are made into perfume 

Grenouille didn't like the fact that some of the scent leaked out and he couldn't catch all of it. But as he practiced, he learned how to make all the fumes into perfume. 

You can't fire me because I quit Throw me in the fire and I won't throw a fit 

Grenouille was never fired from a job, he just quit and left the town without letting anyone know, most likely with a catastrophe hitting the town he'd just left a matter of days later ... 

Grenouille didn't have any senses, he could do anything without getting more pain than what he already had. The people he worked for told him to do horrible things, but Grenouille did it without making a scene out of it. 

This is also personal lines from Kurt. He used to quit jobs without letting anyone know about if, just stop showing up, when he was young ... 

The media invaded Kurt and Courtney's lives. They "threw him in the fire". But there was nothing he could do to get back at them, so he "couldn't throw a fit" at them for doing what they did. 

Perfume is an excellent book. I do not say this because Kurt liked it, but because it really is an excellent book. I've read it five times so far as of writing this, and I suggest to anyone who hasn't read it already to read it as soon as they get a chance. Also check out other books by Patrick Süskind, as he is a great writer. Books can be found in your local library or online at www.amazon.com. 

H. - Nirvana album linear notes:
H1. - Nevermind:
Spring is here again, tender age in bloom, he knows not what it means, sell the kids for food, we can have some more. The water is so yellow, I'm a healthy student, you're my vitamins. Take your time, hurry up, the choice is yours, don't be late. And just maybe I'm to blame for all I've heard but I'm not sure, I'm so excited I can't wait I can't wait to meet you there but I don't care. I don't care if it's old, I don't mind if I don't have a mind, get away from your home. Have to poison skin, give an inch take a smile. Never met a wise man, if so it's a woman, gotta find a way, I had a better wait. One more special message to go, as a defense I'm neutered and spayed, what the hell am I trying to say? I got so high that I scratched till I bled. The second coming came in last and out of the closet. At the end of the rainbow and your rope. Don't hurt yourself, I want some help, to help myself, she's just as bored as me. I've got this friend you see, who makes me feel, I don't regret a thing. And the animals I've trapped have all became my pets. Our little group has always been and always will until the end, with the lights out it's less dangerous, here we are now, entertain us, I feel stupid and contagious, here we are now entertain us, a mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido, yay, yay, a denial, I'm worse at what I do best and for this gift I feel blessed, I found it hard, it was hard to find, oh well, whatever, nevermind. 

H2. - Hormoaning:
In Billboard, the magazine published December 14, 1991, Nevermind was #6 in the CD hit ranking and the single Smells Like Teen Spirit was #23 in the single ranking. Nirvana used to be described as the hopeful band from Seattle before they produced the first record. However, Nirvana is now one of the most popular bands in the US. The music they play doesn't stick to any formalities and leads heavy metal in the new generation, therefore it is called Alternative Heavy Rock. I will neither write more details about Alternative Heavy Rock, nor investigate their music from professional eyes. Anyway, all I can say is that the music of Nirvana influences a lot of teenagers today. 

Nirvana's commercial success is the biggest mystery in the music scene. I don't want you to misunderstand. I didn't say Nirvana did not have enough ability to get "Platinum Disk prize," but nobody could expect they would be such a famous band. The reason people think Nirvana's success is a mystery is that Geffen [the record label that] Nirvana and some other popular bands (such as Guns N' Roses) belong to, sold only a few Nevermind at first but a lot of young people bought it and Nirvana got big money even then. But I think Nirvana themselves are very surprised about this incident. Actually, I had a chance to interview Kurt Cobain (vocals, guitar) during England concert tours (their supporting acts were their favorite groups, Shonen Knife and Captain America, by the way). He said the following: 

"I didn't expect we would be so famous. I didn't even expect that our CD would be in the top 100 ranking in Billboard. You see, we had been in Europe before the great fuss. I don't want to relate with this fuss because I hate that a lot of fans are waiting for us at the airport." 

Kurt Cobain seemed like he was saying "Don't lose your mind" to himself during the interview. (personal opinion) Maybe they know a lot of musicians who lost their thoughts and became the toy of mass media. So Kurt Cobain is protecting himself before he goes the same way. Nirvana will come to Japan pretty soon so that you will be able to understand what I am trying to say. Because they will come to Japan, I will advise you about their concert. First thing I have to tell is that the concert is always unsociable. And also they are easily influenced by the environment so it depends on your luck whether the concert is very nice or boring. 

This CD is released just for Japan. I'd like to introduce each song on this mini-album, but we don't even know what songs will be on the CD. By one record company's information, two of the songs from the Smells Like Teen Spirit CD single, which are Even In His Youth and Aneurysm. It may also include some songs which were broadcast by BBC Radio-1 in England. It may be just a rumor, but one of them may be their favorite song by the Vaselines. 

I think that most of the people who bought this mini-CD have Nevermind, too. But if it is the first time to buy Nirvana's CD for you, I recommend you to experience Nevermind. I'm sure you'll like it too. 
H3. - Incesticide:
A while ago, I found myself in bloody exhaust grease London again with an all-consuming urge to hunt for two rare things: back issues of NME rumored to be secretly hidden in glass casings and submerged in the fry vats of every kebab machine in the U.K. and the very-out-of-print first Raincoats LP. The NME search was a clever, saucy upstart of an attempt to be, uh, nasty. However, the Lord and Julian Cope himself know how we need, need, need the NME to embrace the unifying hands of our children across this big blue marble and NIRVANA's tarty musical career. So please bless us again - we'll forever feed off of your high-calorie boggy turbinates. In an attempt to satisfy the second part of my quest, I went to the Rough Trade shop and of course, found no Raincoats record in the bin. I then asked the woman behind the counter about it and she said "well, it happens that I'm neighbors with Anna (member of the Raincoats) and she works at an antique shop just a few miles from here." So she drew me a map and I started on my way to Anna's. Sometime later, I arrived at this elfin shop filled with something else I've compulsively searched for over the past few years - really old fucked up marionette-like wood carved dolls (quite a few hundred years old). Lots of them... I've fantasized about finding a ship filled with so many. They wouldn't accept my credit card but the dolls were way too expensive anyway. Anna was there, however, so I politely introduced myself with a fever- red face and explained the reason for my intrusion. I can remember her boss almost setting me on fire with his glares. She said "well, I may have a few lying around so, if I find one, I'll send it to you (very polite, very English)." I left feeling like a dork, like I had violated her space, like she probably thought my band was tacky. A few weeks later I received a vinyl copy of that wonderfully classic scripture with a personalized dust sleeve covered with xeroxed lyrics, pictures, and all the member's signatures. There was also a touching letter from Anna. It made me happier than playing in front of thousands of people each night, rock-god idolization from fans, music industry plankton kissing my ass, and the million dollars I made last year. It was one of the few really important things that I've been blessed with since becoming an untouchable boy genius. It was as rewarding as touring with Shonen Knife and watching people practically cry with joy at their honesty. It made people happy and it made me happy knowing that I had helped bring them to the U.K. It was as rewarding as the last Vaselines show in Edinburgh. They reformed just to play with us in their home town, probably having no idea how exciting and flattering it was for us (and how nervous we were to meet them). It was as rewarding as being asked to support Sonic Youth on two tours, totally being taken under their wing and being showed what dignity really means. 

It was as rewarding as the drawings Daniel Johnson sent me, or the Stinky Puffs single from Jad Fair's son, or playing on the same bill as Greg Sage in L.A., or being asked to help produce the next Melvins record, or being on the Wipers' compilation, or Thor from T.K. giving me a signed first edition of Naked Lunch, or making a friend like Stephen Pavlovic - our Australian tour promoter who sent me a Mazzy Star LP on vinyl, or playing "The Money Will Roll Right In" with Mudhoney, or having the power to insist on bringing Bjorn Again to the Reading Festival, or being able to afford to bring my friend Ian along on tour just to have a good time, or paying Calamity Jane five-thousand dollars to be heckled by twenty thousand macho boys in Argentina, or asking my friends Fits of Depression to play with us at the Seattle Coliseum, or playing with Poison Idea at a No On Nine benefit in Portland organized by Gus Van Zandt, or being a part of one of L7's pro-choice benefits in L.A., or kissing Chris and Dave on Saturday Night Live just to spite homophobes, or meeting Iggy Pop, or playing with The Breeders, Urge Overkill, the T.V. Personalities, The Jesus Lizard, Hole, Dinosaur Jr., etc. While all these things are very special, none were half as rewarding as having a baby with a person who is the supreme example of dignity, ethics and honesty. My wife challenges injustice and the reason her character has been so severely attacked is because she chooses not to function the way the white corporate man insists. His rules for women involve herbeing submissive, quiet, and non-challenging. When she doesn't follow his rules, the threatened man (who, incidentally, owns an army of devoted traitor women) gets scared. A big "fuck you" to those of you who have the audacity to claim that I'm so naive and stupid that I would allow myself to be taken advantage of and manipulated. I don't feel the least bit guilty for commercially exploiting a completely exhausted Rock youth Culture because, at this point in rock history, Punk Rock (while still sacred to some) is, to me, dead and gone. We just wanted to pay tribute to something that helped us to feel as though we had crawled out of the dung heap of conformity. To pay tribute like an Elvis or Jimi Hendrix impersonator in the tradition of a bar band. I'll be the first to admit that we're the 90's version of Cheap Trick or the Knack but the last to admit that it hasn't been rewarding. At this point I have a request for our fans. If any of you in any way hate homosexuals, people of different color, or woman, please do this one favor for us - leave us the fuck alone! Don't come to our shows and don't buy our records. Last year, a girl was raped by two wastes of sperm and eggs while they sang the lyrics to our song "Polly". I have a hard time carrying on knowing there are plankton like that in our audience. Sorry to be so anally P.C. but that's the way I feel. 

Kurdt (the blond one) 
H4. - From the Muddy Banks of Wishkah:
Nirvana started as a live band (don't all bands?). We played around for two years before the release of Bleach in June, 1989. At the time, live shows were our bread and butter (this being prior to the release of Nevermind in September of 1991). We'd hit the road for months at a time... coming back with one or two grand...to be split three ways. In those days, that was as much "success" as we thought possible. The earliest performances on this album are brought to you courtesy of a sound board cassette recording of a December, 1989 show at London's Astoria. "Breed" (then called "Imodium") and "Polly" (the big rock version) are taken from this show, the last date of a European tour supporting fellow Sub-Poppers, Tad. Early in 1991, the band signed with Geffen Records and acquired professional management D.I.Y. fell by the wayside. Nevermind was recorded in the spring of 1991. Following summer tours with Dinosaur Jr. and the Jesus Lizard, Nevermind was released in the fall. Immediately following the release, we went on a tour headlining small venues that culminated with a Halloween homecoming show at Seattle's Paramount Theatre. This show was filmed and recorded onto multi-track...yielding the version of "Negative Creep" used in compiling this record. Two days later, the band left for another European tour. "School," "Been A Son," "Lithium" and "Blew" were all taken from a show at the Paradiso in Amsterdam, Netherlands, on November 25, 1991. The show was filmed and recorded on multi-track for Dutch TV. "Spank Thru," this version having been recorded on November 19, 1991 in Rome, was actually the first Nirvana song. While we were touring Europe, Nevermind was becoming all the rage back home. Though we were kept informed on the momentum, being so far away made us pretty oblivious to the extent of what was happening. We ended the year with a brief West Coast tour. The bill included Pearl Jam and Nirvana and was headlined by The Red Hot Chili Peppers. The second show on this tour was on December 28, 1991 at the Del Mar Fairgrounds (just outside San Diego). For whatever reason, our set was particularly aggressive that night - "Drain You," "Aneurysm" and "Smells Like Teen Spirit" were all taken from this recording. Early in 1992, the band toured Australia and Japan. Later in the summer, we traveled to Europe to make up some Scandanavian shows we had to cancel on the previous tour. The touring highlight of the year, however, was a headlining slot on England's Reading Festival. I have to say that hearing tens of thousands of people sing along with "Lithium" was a very cool moment in the history of the band. We were having fun playing and decided to stretch the set out a bit - enter "tourette's," a song which had been around for a few years (and eventually found its way onto In Utero.) Following the release of In Utero in 1993, we once again hit the road. Using left-over props from the "Heart-Shaped Box" video shoot as set dressing (our first foray into the world of stage props), we concentrated on working up a set that spanned the band's entire career and gave the audience a longer show than we had done on past tours. In that we were playing the "big" halls on this tour, it was felt that we needed to bring along a "big" sound...ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Pat Smear. "Scentless Apprentice" was filmed and recorded by MTV for their 1993 New Year's special...recorded at a show at a pier in Seattle. "Heart-Shaped Box" comes from as sound board DAT recording from a show at The Forum in Los Angeles in December, 1993. We took "Milk It" from a sound board recording from the Seattle Center Arena. "Sliver" is taken from a board tape from the Springfield Civic Center (in Massachusetts). In presenting this record, we hope that the ultimate allure of Nirvana (and especially Kurt) as well as the passion that we had - and have- for the music we made is once again brought to the forefront. Let all the analysis fall away like yellow, aged newsprint. Crank this record up and realize the bliss, power and passion...TOTAL NIRVANA! 

Krist Novoselic 
X. - Kurt Cobain's complete suicide note:
DISCLAIMER: This is the note as it appeared in NME. The original note is in the hands of the Seattle Police Department. Two copies were made; one was given to the Medical Examiner, the second to Courtney Love. It was Courtney's copy that showed up in NME.
It was a difficult decision to put this in here, but it is one of the most frequently asked questions.
Thanks to Liz Ellison on this one!

To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things. For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man! Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know! I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess. 

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody, baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away. Peace, Love, Empathy. Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar.
Please keep going Courtney
for Frances
for her life which will be so much happier
without me. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU

Note on the note: In the book 'Cobain' they mention that Boddah was one of Kurt's imaginary friends as a child.
VI. How to get in contact with me.
If you have any suggestions or corrections for this document, or any other concerns, please feel free to e-mail me, MikeZiegler@aol.com. Please be sure that you are not writing about something in an old version of this FAQ, and which has already been fixed. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This FAQ is currently maintained by Mike Ziegler, MikeZiegler@aol.com 
Copyright© 1999, The Happening: Original Nirvana FAQ, Mike Ziegler.